MISS YOU.

have you ever missed someone so bad it hurts? like so much that it really, truly, honestly causes you physical anguish? and there's no way to make it better, either. that's another thing. the only thing that will make you feel better is to see them again, but you can't.

and then, while you're missing them, you can't tell if what they are saying is true. you can't see their face when they talk to you making it impossible for you to see their eyes, to tell if they are lying. maybe it's easier for them to forget about you, when they're off being busy and you're sitting at home missing them...

it makes you wish for a fast forward button. or a disaster that would give you some excuse to up and go see them right now. and no one understands unless they t0o have missed someone this badly. which isn't many people, i think, because the only reason i'm allowing it is because i have no choice.

i wish i could read his mind. so i knew if he missed me like he says. because i can never tell.

so lately i've been in a anti-social, anti-people mood. and its a lot of things, but its mainly because i don't like this missing-him thing. because i technically don't even have him to miss.

not today; not on what would be ten months.

he probably doesn't even realize.

[10.25.09]