MEMORIES.

there are so many things i never want to forget: your smile, your laugh, that look you give me when i'm being crazy, the feel of your skin, your lips, your hand in mine. i don't want to forget the way you say 'i love you' or the way you look at me.

there are so many memories that i never want to fade: sitting in your car after school waayy back just listening to music for hours, getting caught by tyler johnson in the parking lot late after school, the day you first kissed me (it was december, but it felt like october. the sun was out. the wind was blowing. we were at natchez looking over the bridge. there was a snake. you jumped the rock wall. i laughed. you hugged me. you kissed me.), sitting in your car in while everyone else was at winter formal (just sitting there, leaning on you, while becca texted you freaking out about wynn), the night you asked me out (you gave me my cd. i still have it. you asked me. i asked if you were serious. you laughed. i kissed you. you told me you loved me.), mock trail days, days i was sick and you took care of me, valentines day (so cute. alice is still in my closet. loveless. perfect day.), my birthday dinner thing (i still can't believe you sat through that.), playing "horse," that day we watched the lacrosse game after school when your car died and you "officially" asked me to prom (i still have that weird ass blue thing we found), prom (perfect.), summer days at your house.

too many more.

I know i probably shouldn't think about these as much as i do. i know i'm probably too caught up in the past. i know we might not be perfect again.

i know it may be wrong to grasp onto whatever little piece of us we still have.

but i can't help it.

and i need to write it down. i need to have it here. because i'm so scared i'll lose it. and if i lose this, if i lose you, i don't know who i'll become.

i'm scared.

[10.12.09]