SETTLING.

I think that there's one person that you're absolutely perfect for. And then a few others that you could stay with and be happy with, but it won't be near as great as it would be with that one person. And sometimes you don't find that person in your life and you can be fine. But if you find them and lose them and end up settling, it's just going to be that. Settling. And you'll always know what you're missing.

this is old. i said this a while ago. but i like it. and i believe it. still.

FALLING.

people say that they fell in love as if it's some graceful transformation of the heart.

people lie.

falling in love is anything but graceful. it's not innocent or lovely or anything like that. no, falling in love, and i'm talking about really falling in love, is the complete opposite. falling in love is barreling towards a brick wall at a hundred miles per hour in a tiny, two-door convertible and realizing that someone has cut the brakes... it's hoping that somehow you come out of the wreck in one piece. falling in love is being pushed off of the tallest building in the world and hoping that the landing is not really as bad as they say it is. falling in love is uncontrollable, terrifying, and consuming.

and it starts all over again the next time you see that one person you love.

falling in love is not something you have control over, but it may be the most important thing you do.

[12.6.09]

HOLLOW.

staring at the ceiling from her spot on the floor, she wasn't doing the exercise the rest of the class was immersed in. she tried to close her eyes to block the light out, but it pelted her lids like heavy rain.

she opened them and stared fixedly at the ceiling wishing she could turn over to lie on her stomach. "allow the words to fill you, to speak through you," the teacher was saying. she rolled her eyes, of course the words had to speak through you. they couldn't very well talk all on their lonesome.

she sighed.

"everyone say it, 'hollow,'" the teacher instructed.

she blinked. this was a good word. "hollow," she whispered. "hollow."

"good, now go back to your own speeches." the class was filled again with various words and shouts, but she lay still, staring up.

"hollow," she said again. "hollow."

[12.1.09]