INSANITY.

Much Madness is divinest Sense –

To a discerning Eye –

Much Sense – the starkest Madness –

'Tis the Majority

In this, as All, prevail –

Assent – and you are sane –

Demur – you're straightway dangerous –

And handled with a Chain –

-Emily Dickinson

They had called her insane. I had heard that she “straight up belongs in the loony bin, if you know what I mean.” However, personally, I could judge her yet; it was only my second day to spend with her. The day before, though, when I met her, she seemed nice enough, but I had not had a long conversation with her.

I walked behind the desk and threw my stuff down on my side of it; I was early, per usual, and Amelia had not yet arrived. As my ancient computer booted up, I pulled out the files of the clients we would be checking in today. The law firm I was a receptionist for was top-dollar and usually we did not have more than a few clients a day. I set the sign-in sheet on the top of the desk and drummed my nails on the desk as my computer struggled to load all of my files; one would think that such a high-paying office could afford to upgrade the Windows95 computers, but alas…

I heard keys jingling outside the door and knew that Amelia must have arrived. She pushed the door open, holding her cell phone between her ear and her shoulder, “I know, Love. Don’t worry, I’ll be home as soon as I can.” She flounced over to me, her long wavy brown hair falling down her shoulders with grace, and nodded her head in greeting. She set down her purse and case files on the desk next to me, “Yes, baby, I’m here safely. I’ll call you as soon as I get on break, okay? Okay. Love you, too.”

I tore my eyes from her as she hung up the phone, thinking back to what everyone had told me when I took this job. She’s out of her mind, loving him again. She’s completely wrapped herself in her own little world with him – even after he took off like that. She has got to have something wrong with her head; it’s not sensible. My computer finally loaded as I heard her hit the end button on her phone.

“Good morning, Lillian,” she smiled. I turned around and responded appropriately. “Sorry about the slow computers,” she continued as she turned hers on. “I keep telling him to upgrade them, but he’s stubborn.” I nodded, trying to see what this girl was really about. Was she as crazy as they say? Surely love cannot make you that insane.

She looked at me with her piercing blue-gray eyes and I turned back to my computer muttering something about checking my email. I heard her sigh as her chair squeaked indicating that she was sitting down, “The other members of the firm have talked to you, haven’t they?” it was more of a statement than a question so I did not bother denying it.

I turned in my chair again to face her, “I didn’t really put much stock into what they said, honestly.” I fidgeted with the hem of my skirt, hoping she wouldn’t catch me in my half-truth.

She laughed a pretty laugh and I wondered why she would go back to a man who left her when she could probably get any other man she wanted, “I think that if I heard half of the things people say about me, I’d think myself crazy.” She swiveled in her chair to hit the keyboard twice, as was necessary to start up the old computers, and then she turned to face me again. “Well, I’ll explain myself, even if you didn’t listen to them.” I immediately sat up and paid more attention. “I’m engaged, as you probably know, but the reason people think that I’m s crazy is because the guy I’m engaged to, well, he left me for someone else a few months ago.”

This much I knew; apparently it was everyone’s favorite bathroom gossip. She went on to explain that when he realized what he had lost, he wrote her a note. She said that she hadn’t trusted him for the longest time; she said sometimes she still didn’t. She told me that everyone thought she was crazy for going back to him after what he did to her; they thought she was mad, desperate, and a whole bunch of other demeaning words. And, at first, I could not help but agree with them.

Then, she attempted to explain love to me. Honestly, she did a crap job with it, but the way she tried, the way she looked when she thought about him… well, that really said it all. That afternoon, when the workday was over, I hugged her goodbye after she locked up.

Now, Amelia is my best friend. She and her husband are the happiest couple I have ever met and I am absolutely positive that she is absolutely insane. Amelia is stupidly, madly, illogically in love – and that has made her the most sensible person I know. If ever meet someone that makes me senseless I know that I will not demur them; refusing insanity is the greatest sin a person can commit, and I will not commit it.

[11.15.2009]